Back to school
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- September
- 3
With one sick parent and three kids back in school, and oh yes, a job — and a husband — I’ve been pulled in a million different directions lately. And the bad thing is, being stretched so thin seems to benefit nobody.
I go to visit my father but I can’t stay as long as I’d like. I try to spend time with the son who’s still living at home, but I get distracted by thoughts of my father, who’s in really bad shape. And then I drive out to visit him and I feel pulled back to my house, which looks like somebody drove in with a wind machine and blew all the closets open and dumped everything all over the floor.
The mess is staggering. I come back home at night and despair that nobody will ever be able to visit again. But the last thing on my mind is organizing the house.
I keep trying to do the right thing. I don’t want to have any regrets.
A friend who recently lost a parent told me we’re not supposed to stop our own lives when a parent is terminally ill. But I’m having a hard time living as usual.
How do you balance it all and end up feeling like you’re doing what’s right?
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm by Linda Lombroso.
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Baby boomer Linda Lombroso was born in Queens and grew up in Port Washington. She began her journalism career at New York Magazine and Rolling Stone, and came back to the field after spending 10 years as a stay-at-home mother. Linda joined The Journal News in 1997 and has been a Life & Style writer since 2000. She has three children.
I hired people to do my housekeeping when I couldn’t cope. It is imperative that you delegate responsibilities so that you have an energy reserve. If you become depleted, you will become physically weaker and that’s a bad factor to add when you’ve been emotionally hit hard.
The expense of extra hands is well worth it. It’s temporary because nature generally aligns things back in balance.
Or, enlist help from friends who can do your grocery shopping, for example. It’s so hard for women to reach out to others for help when we need it, but at certain times in your life, YOU need to be nurtured. Good friends won’t mind.
The local Stop & Shop (if you have one) now delivers. You place your order online and they deliver to your home. Huge timesaver, and it has the added benefit of keeping you out of the candy aisle…
Also – I have found since I went back to school that my kids will pitch in if I ask them to do something. If you don’t ask, they generally don’t think of it on their own. So get a little pushy… and make a list for them.
Also – nothing wrong with mac ‘n’ cheese once in a while. Don’t beat yourself up.
Thanks to both of you for some great tips. I really should try ordering the groceries online. I’ve meant to do it for so long, but I just end up driving to the supermarket and buying a few things at a time!
AS for getting the kids to pitch in with the housework, yes I definitely agree. I like the idea of making the list. Having them see it in writing is better than talking about the chore and wondering if it’s sinking in.
Thanks!
Linda, In life, we want no regrets. Does your life stop because your parent is sick? No. Should it, yes. I had a full time job and 3 young kids at the time and a sick mom.
Forget the house, it will be there tomorrow. Your parent may not. I had a routine for about 8 years. Every friday, I was out of work at 1:00 pm. I would go to the store, to pick up things my mom liked, then visit her at an assisted living facility. Run from her to get kids from school at 3:00 pm. A few times a month I would bring my mom to my home for lunch or dinner. This routine never changed. Mom passed away 4 years ago. I miss my routine. I miss my Fridays with her. By the way my house and mess are still here, but she isn’t.